Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
