Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
