a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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