I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
