i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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