I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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