i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
