I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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