Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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