How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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