I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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