these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
