It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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