we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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