hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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