i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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