I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
