im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
