I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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