why didn't you poke me back
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
