im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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