been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
