She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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