Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
