Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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