I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
