I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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