I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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