Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
