I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
