Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
