would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
