ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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