so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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