The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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