i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
