He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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