His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
