I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
