P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
