So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
