The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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