I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
