Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
