I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
