One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
