i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
