my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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