This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
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ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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