Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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