Need sex. Gaining weight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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