conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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