Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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