you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
