No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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