then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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