just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
