this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
