you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
