dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
