I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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